Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Telling the Family

I agonized for several days over whether or not to tell my family about the miscarriage. On one hand, I didn't want it to be a secret. I didn't want to feel like I was ashamed of what happened, because I didn't do anything wrong. I wanted to be able to talk openly about it, if I felt it could help. On the other hand, I wondered about my motivations for telling my family, especially my mom. My mom has wanted me to have kids for a very long time. While she does have grandkids (my brothers' kids), I'm the only daughter and the baby of the family. Not to diminish my niece and nephews, but it is different. In telling my mom about the miscarriage, would I be pushing all my pain on her, to her detriment? In the end, I decided that my mom would want to know, and would want to be able to support me.

I attempted to tell my mom last Friday, but my grandma was there and I didn't think I could face them both at the same time. On Saturday my dad was out and my mom was home alone, so I figured I should go ahead and do it. Honestly....it was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I explained to her about how the doctor told me that something was probably wrong, and how we wouldn't have wanted to baby to suffer. She replied that my baby was now perfect in heaven, at which point in time I just completely lost it. Even typing the words out brings tears to my eyes. In the end I feel like I did the right thing. My mom and I are very close, and her support means the world to me. Thankfully, she offered to tell some other members of the family for me, so everyone should know by the end of the week.

My husband has been putting off telling his dad, which worries me. I told him there will always be an excuse to put it off, and that he could probably use his dad's support as well. He was not terribly receptive to that, but I'm not pushing it. I worry about him a lot. I know men don't grieve the same way women do (generally) but I think he feels like he needs to be strong for me, and isn't doing his own grieving.


Erin said...

Oh my gosh Kristen, I am so sorry! If you need anything I am here for you. I am 2 streets over now, so call me anytime.

The Pink Cupcake said...

Erin - thanks for the comment. I've been kind of a hermit for a while, but catch me on facebook or call me, I'd love to get together some time, I could use some time out of the house!